Blind Dates

There is nothing quite like getting set up on a blind date.

It is really a very telling situation. I can’t think of an easier way to find out what your friends think of you.

The best part is when a complete monster walks through the door. It is like your friends are saying, “You like ugly chicks, right? I thought you did.” or perhaps they are saying, “This is as good looking a person as I think you deserve.” Of course, it could be that they assume you are a thoughtful enough person to look past mere physical attraction.

To my friends: I assure you, I am not that thoughtful of a person.

There has to be minimum level of attraction. I mean a genuine attraction. I do not mean the kind of attraction one feels after several beers and a shot or two. I’ll be honest. Almost any chick could get a hold of me after a few beverages. The only thing that would stop me is familial relationship or gender ambiguity. I am sure my parents are very proud of me.

Another place my friends often miscalculate is with the Blind Dates personality. They set me up with a person who has a bad laugh. Everyone knows what I mean by a bad laugh. Most people have a friend that has that awful, loud, embarrassing laugh. I like to think I can be funny at times. So this does not work out well. Other great examples of the wrong type for me are a religious person, a smoker (I just quit which makes me the worst kind of non-smoker), a person who doesn’t drink, a short chick or a quiet person. Please do not think I am too picky or that I am extremely judgmental. Keep in mind that I made out with a woman that only had one arm and that I have been the grenade man on more than one occasion.

All and all I have given up on the blind date thing. It must work in some cases. I am guessing the success rate at about 2%. It does not work for me. Do me a favor, if you have a woman you would like me to meet, just bring her out sometime. That way we can interact in a normal environment and actually see if there is a connection without all that pressure and weirdness.

It seems that my married friends have already forgotten what it is like out here in the trenches. So here are some warnings.
1. Be prepared that we may not like each other…at all.
2. Please do not pester me about “How it is going”.
3. Accept that fact I may nail her and then not call her. (I can be an A$$)

For those of us getting set up on these nightmares, Remember, deep down I think our friends are really just trying to help us out. Although, with the train wrecks I have dealt with it might make you think twice.