The Dating Season
Unlike most mammals, human beings do not have a distinct mating season. Pretty much year round if you are lucky. However, this is not the case with the Sherpa. Over the years, I have developed a specific "Dating Season". It runs from February 15th through October 31st. If I have not already started seeing a woman in that time period I am not going to try and start something. November 1st through February 15th, no way, forget it.
Let me explain--
If you were to try and start dating someone in the "off season" you are going to run into Holiday problems. Specifically, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day. All of these holidays are wonderful chances to spend time with your girlfriend or wife, but not with that girl you have gone out with three times. Like it or not she will try and rope you into going to dinner with her family on at least one of these occasions. Meeting parents can be awkward. It can be especially awkward if all you know about their beloved daughter is that she will do oral on the second date-- provided the car is parked and she has had a minimum of 2 jager bombs.
Another problem is gift giving. If you have only been dating for a month what the hell do you get her for Valentine's Day? **sidebar: don't even get me started on this "holiday". Created for women, perpetuated by women and is really just an excuse to try and squeeze some jewelry out of a guy**. Whatever you get her for Valentine's day will be inevitable compared to A)what past men have given her, B)what her girlfriends received and C)what she expected to get. Don't worry, whatever you get her will not be enough. In addition, do you sign the card "Love, The Sherpa". After a month you sing "love" really? Not a chance I say. Another thing what if her birthday falls during the off season. Do you get her something for that as well. In my opinion, this is starting to sound like extortion. I am not a cheapskate. That having been said, I like to buy gifts for people when I feel it necessary. Not because Hallmark has stacked the calendar.
After years of dealing with awkward situations I have found the best way to deal with these Holiday "traps" is to suspend dating new people after October 31st.
Why Halloween you ask?
I'll tell you why... I usually get laid on Halloween. There are three reasons that usually happens.
1) It is the one holiday where being original and creative is rewarded.
2) People are always are bit more adventurous when in costume.
3) Ugly girls are wearing masks.
Why restart after Valentine's day?
I'll tell you why... Well, there are no big holidays until the beginning of Summer. Also, I hate Valentine's day. So I will take any excuse to skip it.
Gentlemen, you may be asking yourself, "Should I adopt a Dating Season of my own?".
Here are some of the benefits:
1) Gives you more free time around the holidays.
2) Helps save money around the expensive Holiday season.
3) Gives you a chance to catch up on all the new pornography.
4) Makes you more mysterious to the ladies. Chicks like being ignored occasionally.
Keep in mind this isn't a moratorium on Women. I am specifically referring to Dating not mating. I still think hooking up with that girl from Accounts Payable at the office X-mas party or making out with that random blonde on New Year's eve is exactly what you should be doing. Party, get your groove on, do whatever it is you do, just use good judgment. Just use your fake bar name or string her along until February 15th. Do your best kids.
As I check the calendar today I see that it is February 15th.
So hide the women and change the linen,
The Sherpa is back on patrol!!
Let me explain--
If you were to try and start dating someone in the "off season" you are going to run into Holiday problems. Specifically, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day. All of these holidays are wonderful chances to spend time with your girlfriend or wife, but not with that girl you have gone out with three times. Like it or not she will try and rope you into going to dinner with her family on at least one of these occasions. Meeting parents can be awkward. It can be especially awkward if all you know about their beloved daughter is that she will do oral on the second date-- provided the car is parked and she has had a minimum of 2 jager bombs.
Another problem is gift giving. If you have only been dating for a month what the hell do you get her for Valentine's Day? **sidebar: don't even get me started on this "holiday". Created for women, perpetuated by women and is really just an excuse to try and squeeze some jewelry out of a guy**. Whatever you get her for Valentine's day will be inevitable compared to A)what past men have given her, B)what her girlfriends received and C)what she expected to get. Don't worry, whatever you get her will not be enough. In addition, do you sign the card "Love, The Sherpa". After a month you sing "love" really? Not a chance I say. Another thing what if her birthday falls during the off season. Do you get her something for that as well. In my opinion, this is starting to sound like extortion. I am not a cheapskate. That having been said, I like to buy gifts for people when I feel it necessary. Not because Hallmark has stacked the calendar.
After years of dealing with awkward situations I have found the best way to deal with these Holiday "traps" is to suspend dating new people after October 31st.
Why Halloween you ask?
I'll tell you why... I usually get laid on Halloween. There are three reasons that usually happens.
1) It is the one holiday where being original and creative is rewarded.
2) People are always are bit more adventurous when in costume.
3) Ugly girls are wearing masks.
Why restart after Valentine's day?
I'll tell you why... Well, there are no big holidays until the beginning of Summer. Also, I hate Valentine's day. So I will take any excuse to skip it.
Gentlemen, you may be asking yourself, "Should I adopt a Dating Season of my own?".
Here are some of the benefits:
1) Gives you more free time around the holidays.
2) Helps save money around the expensive Holiday season.
3) Gives you a chance to catch up on all the new pornography.
4) Makes you more mysterious to the ladies. Chicks like being ignored occasionally.
Keep in mind this isn't a moratorium on Women. I am specifically referring to Dating not mating. I still think hooking up with that girl from Accounts Payable at the office X-mas party or making out with that random blonde on New Year's eve is exactly what you should be doing. Party, get your groove on, do whatever it is you do, just use good judgment. Just use your fake bar name or string her along until February 15th. Do your best kids.
As I check the calendar today I see that it is February 15th.
So hide the women and change the linen,
The Sherpa is back on patrol!!
posted by The Sherpa | 2/15/2005 06:55:00 PM
3 Comments:
Your wisdom fills me with warm fuzzies like a dandelion enema. Please to share more of your thoughts about the fairer sex.
Pettifogger was here!
If you don't write for Maxim you should. I am going to put a link from my blog so I remember to check up on your words of wisdom often. (i'm a 38 year old married gal and but I get it)
Perhaps he fell off the
Earth?
The Sherpa is MIA.
The Sherpa fills my dreams.
I wish he would write more.
For he is smart.
Oh, he is wise.
Good Author,
Good Drinker,
Ever with a pithy remark.
Return to the web, Sherpa!
Where are you?
Are you alive?
Show yourself!!
How can
Everyone make it day by day?
Rarely do you write.
Even more rarely, do you call.
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