Patrolling in New Orleans
Well four full days in New Orleans. The French Quarter(Vieux Carre) specifically. This being my second time visiting the historic city, I thought I was prepared for it. Not a chance.
The Good:
Drinking. Down here it is a sport.
First, throughout the whole French Quarter you can carry your drink around with you. The only rule is no glass or cans, it must be in a plastic container. Me, I like this rule. No broken glass or homeless collecting cans.
Second, during the day the drink specials are insane. 3 for 1 beers or mixed drinks. Contests for free shots. I won several shots for identifying TV theme songs. Thank you to the Utopia bar and the Love Boat theme!
Third, Hurricanes at Pat O'Briens. This bar is world famous. There are several different rooms to experience. A traditional bar, an outdoor patio and a piano bar with dueling pianos just to name a few. Also, for you movie buffs, several scenes from "Interview with the Vampire" were filmed in here. I recommend stopping by if you ever visit New Orleans.
The Bad:
1. Expensive, Shabby hotels. Hint-Historic means old and cramped.
2. Bathrooms so dirty they make you long for a Turkish prison.
3. Swamp Ass. Need I say more?
4. The town itself is old. This means it is a bit worn and run down. It is best viewed at night with a nice buzz on. Much like that girl, Amy, I slept with two years ago.
5. It can be a bit dangerous. Always have one friend stay sober enough to get you home.
6. Not too many women were flashing the boobs on Bourbon Street. I hardly saw a single breast, not to mention a full set. The last time I visited(also not during Mardi Gras) plenty of ladies were willing to show the twins or in some cases, make-out for a set of beads. This may have been a fluke.
The Ugly:
Now there are a couple of very nice Gentlemen's clubs on Bourbon Street. Unfortunately, I did not go to those clubs. Instead , I went to the two worst strip clubs I have ever encountered. They were so bad I may never go to a strip club again. The first one was full of very unattractive "dancers". To call this place a thinly disguised brothel is an insult to thinly disguised brothels. I can't really say much more. The vibe of this place, combined with the ugly hookers and questionable bouncers made it scary.
The second one was a little off of Bourbon Street. It seemed interesting when my brothers and I walked past it. Upon entering we were confronted with a single room. A long bar stretched across the left side of the room and behind it was a small wooden stage with a wall mirror behind it. The only thing else behind the bar was a dirty looking bar keep and his cheap liquor. We sat down and ordered three bottles of beer. At this point, the bar keep walked over to a table with two strung out women at it and poked one of them saying, "We got customers." One woman stood and proceeded to slide behind the bar and shake off her clothes as she climbed the three steps to the top of the stage. Now I had never seen someone really strung out before, but I am certain that I have now. To make a long story short, the bar keep told us a tale of how he used to be a jockey in the horse racing circut, the strung out dancer finished swaying to one song and came over to us trading unwanted kisses for tips, and we chugged our beers and ran.
Which brings me to the Sherpa Patrol: New Orleans TIP OF THE TRIP. Boobs seem to be getting harder to find from strangers on Bourbon Street. However, they are quite easy to find on shot girls. At some point, the shot girls at the Bourbon Street bars became a hybrid. Part shot girl, part stripper and part annoying person that will not leave you alone. Now, they will show you their tits. They will also give you a lap dance or even something better. What is the catch you ask? They will not leave you alone until you buy an expensive shot. Usually two for you and two for them as well. Despite the hard sell on shots I think I enjoyed spending time with these ladies the most.
My final view of Bourbon Street. In the murky pre-dawn hours, a cab slowly drives my brothers and I up Conti Street and out of the French Quarter. As we approach the stop sign at Bourbon street I notice two ladies loitering with purpose in front of a deserted bar. As we pass them I realize that these are two of the nastiest male prostitutes I have ever seen.
New Orleans, I miss you already.
The Good:
Drinking. Down here it is a sport.
First, throughout the whole French Quarter you can carry your drink around with you. The only rule is no glass or cans, it must be in a plastic container. Me, I like this rule. No broken glass or homeless collecting cans.
Second, during the day the drink specials are insane. 3 for 1 beers or mixed drinks. Contests for free shots. I won several shots for identifying TV theme songs. Thank you to the Utopia bar and the Love Boat theme!
Third, Hurricanes at Pat O'Briens. This bar is world famous. There are several different rooms to experience. A traditional bar, an outdoor patio and a piano bar with dueling pianos just to name a few. Also, for you movie buffs, several scenes from "Interview with the Vampire" were filmed in here. I recommend stopping by if you ever visit New Orleans.
The Bad:
1. Expensive, Shabby hotels. Hint-Historic means old and cramped.
2. Bathrooms so dirty they make you long for a Turkish prison.
3. Swamp Ass. Need I say more?
4. The town itself is old. This means it is a bit worn and run down. It is best viewed at night with a nice buzz on. Much like that girl, Amy, I slept with two years ago.
5. It can be a bit dangerous. Always have one friend stay sober enough to get you home.
6. Not too many women were flashing the boobs on Bourbon Street. I hardly saw a single breast, not to mention a full set. The last time I visited(also not during Mardi Gras) plenty of ladies were willing to show the twins or in some cases, make-out for a set of beads. This may have been a fluke.
The Ugly:
Now there are a couple of very nice Gentlemen's clubs on Bourbon Street. Unfortunately, I did not go to those clubs. Instead , I went to the two worst strip clubs I have ever encountered. They were so bad I may never go to a strip club again. The first one was full of very unattractive "dancers". To call this place a thinly disguised brothel is an insult to thinly disguised brothels. I can't really say much more. The vibe of this place, combined with the ugly hookers and questionable bouncers made it scary.
The second one was a little off of Bourbon Street. It seemed interesting when my brothers and I walked past it. Upon entering we were confronted with a single room. A long bar stretched across the left side of the room and behind it was a small wooden stage with a wall mirror behind it. The only thing else behind the bar was a dirty looking bar keep and his cheap liquor. We sat down and ordered three bottles of beer. At this point, the bar keep walked over to a table with two strung out women at it and poked one of them saying, "We got customers." One woman stood and proceeded to slide behind the bar and shake off her clothes as she climbed the three steps to the top of the stage. Now I had never seen someone really strung out before, but I am certain that I have now. To make a long story short, the bar keep told us a tale of how he used to be a jockey in the horse racing circut, the strung out dancer finished swaying to one song and came over to us trading unwanted kisses for tips, and we chugged our beers and ran.
Which brings me to the Sherpa Patrol: New Orleans TIP OF THE TRIP. Boobs seem to be getting harder to find from strangers on Bourbon Street. However, they are quite easy to find on shot girls. At some point, the shot girls at the Bourbon Street bars became a hybrid. Part shot girl, part stripper and part annoying person that will not leave you alone. Now, they will show you their tits. They will also give you a lap dance or even something better. What is the catch you ask? They will not leave you alone until you buy an expensive shot. Usually two for you and two for them as well. Despite the hard sell on shots I think I enjoyed spending time with these ladies the most.
My final view of Bourbon Street. In the murky pre-dawn hours, a cab slowly drives my brothers and I up Conti Street and out of the French Quarter. As we approach the stop sign at Bourbon street I notice two ladies loitering with purpose in front of a deserted bar. As we pass them I realize that these are two of the nastiest male prostitutes I have ever seen.
New Orleans, I miss you already.
posted by The Sherpa | 10/21/2004 07:54:00 PM
1 Comments:
You real funny guy. You maybe write more, huh?
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