It is 2005... where is my flying car?

I was lead to believe, from a very young age, that we lived in the most technologically advanced society that ever existed. The possibilities were endless and that things would only continue to get better.

What happened?

The telephone- invented 1876
The light bulb- invented 1879
The computer (mechanical) - invented 1884
The automobile- invented 1885

All revolutionary inventions, all of them are over one hundred years old.
Sure, some things have been improved over the years but not much has been invented. Things have gotten more complex and smaller, but does that really mean it is better. If cell phones get any smaller we will have to dial them with toothpicks. I’ll concede that the improvements have been vast. Cars are more efficient and pollute less, computers are faster and can store more information and telephones are more reliable and portable. Light bulbs seem to have been perfected. I do not think we can ask more out of this humble invention. I am going on the record as pro-light bulb.

Countless television shows, Saturday morning cartoons and movies demonstrated similar, incredible ideas of the future. They all lead me, inexorably, to one question…

Where is my flying car?

They had them in all of the “Back to the Future” movies, “Blade Runner”, “Star Wars” and “The Fifth Element”. Everything seemed to work out fine. I didn’t see any accidents.

While we are on the topic there are a number of other “modern connivances” that are missing.

Where are the underwater colonies?
Why isn’t the space station completed and open for visitors?
When can we vacation on the moon?
What happened to food in tablet form? Just add water and pop a tablet in the microwave and out comes a turkey dinner complete with all the fixings.
Why don’t we all have video phones?
What ever happened to the weather controlling machine?

Now those are what I call fantastic 21st century inventions.

Here are some inventions that we desperately need invented in the very near future.
1) Electric Cars- Screw the Middle East. I hate oil. I never thought I would say this but… Ed Begley jr. was right.
2) Autodrive feature- The ultimate designated driver. So long road rage, adios traffic problems just get in your car and press the home button. Plenty of time to read, sleep or whatever. Also, it would allow me to say this more often. “Why yes barkeep, I will have another for the road.”
3) Robotic Girlfriend- On second thought, this is not a good idea. In fact, we need to actively stop this one from being invented. If they invent a realistic sex robot the human population will go extinct within 30 years. Lord help us if it can cook.
4) A cell phone with a breathalyzer- This invention is desperately needed. It could single handedly bring an end to “drunk dialing”. Simply, if you register over a certain alcohol level your phone will only allow you to dial home, emergency numbers or cab companies.