Sherpa Patrol

What follows are the real life chronicles of the Sherpa Patrol. One man's experience with working, dating, drinking and living in the Chicagoland area! The opinions, observations and musings expressed herein are to be used for good and not evil. Don't trust the Yeti!

Name:
Location: Oak Park, ILLINOIS, United States

I can gargle Tequila. I only dance at weddings. I am a recovering Catholic.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Ten Most Important & Overlooked Inventions Ever

Forget the lightbulb, I can see just fine during the day. These things are truly important. In no particular order...

1) The Thermos: This thing is damn handy. It can keep cold stuff cold or hot stuff hot. They come in a variety of sizes. Everyone should have one of these. A must have for a college tailgate party.

2) The Zipper: Can you imagine any other fastener on your pants. These things are on jeans, jackets, coats, back packs and about a million other things. Sure occasionally they can get jammed up but all and all a great invention. Except for the time I accidentally got my "little Sherpa" caught in it. I'll tell you, zipping it in doesn't hurt nearly as much as zipping it out. Yowza!

3) Beer / Booze / Hooch: What can I say about this stuff? It is proof of God. It has been around since the dawn of time. I have no idea what tiny hominid came up with this stuff but I want to give that hairy, smelly little guy a hug. I would type more but I am getting a little misty eyed. Sniff, sniff.

4) Coffee: It is the opposite of beer. Here is a formula, Ground coffee beans + Hot water = Happy wake up juice. Try to imagine a Saturday morning without coffee.

5) The automatic scoring machine for bowling: I will admit this, keeping score at bowling can be a little confusing. My guess is that only 10% of the American population can do it. That having been said, this machine has opened up bowling in a very important way. Now the scorekeeper can get just as loaded as everyone else. Speaking as a former scorekeeper, Thank you automatic score machine!

6) Shoes: This has got to be close to the first tool ever made. I think it went spear and then shoes. Our ancestor's feet had to hurt after chasing prey around. My favorite shoe of all time, still the Converse Chuck Taylor Allstar Hi-top.

7) Jenga: This is a personal favorite. Two words- Drinking Jenga!

8) The Bikini / Tube top: They really help women. During the Summer these clothing items help keep ladies cool and comfortable. They can help get rid of tan lines. Can you imagine a state fair, carnival or Theme park without these clothing items. Also cleavage rules!

9) Standup Comedy: A bold chance to express one's comedic ideas to a group of strangers. Live comedy is the best. That is a fact. If you have never seen live standup, go immediately! (We miss you Mitch Hedburg)

10) Chewing Gum / Bubble Gum: Tasty, portable, many flavors. It also comes in handy when one is trying to quit smoking. Like me. Also, everybody likes gum.


Honorable Mentions For The Worst Inventions Ever:

1) Stoplight cameras: Hey if you want to give me a ticket you have to be there and catch me.

2) The FCC: I love it when the Government tells me what is safe for me to see or hear.

3) Tollways: I am from the Chicago area. I think this is purgatory. Screw the tollways!

4) Hallmark Holidays: Hey Hallmark, quit making trouble for us guys. I.E. Sweetest Day.

5) Last Call: I used to work in a bar. I know that the bars can't stay open all night. However, I really do hate last call when I am having a good time.

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