King of the Crapper
You probably know at least one.
Whether you call them the King of the Crapper or refer to them by their commonly used name…
These are men who insist on sitting in the center stall in the public bathroom. 99% of the time there are only 3 stalls and this guy is sitting dead center.
One has to wonder, are they that selfish?
Do they think that this will scare off other would-be Deuce droppers?
Because I can tell you, in any emergency, I will shit in the sink. If they think being in the center stall will stop me; they are dead wrong.
Are they cocky?
Do they think that they are the King of the Crapper or the Lord of the lavatory?
If it was just the fact they are arrogant pricks I might be able to deal with it. It sounds like someone might have an overactive sense of entitlement.
Or is it worse than that?
Do they like having people sit next to them while they crap?
Perhaps they find the sight of another man’s shoe only inches away soothing. Maybe they enjoy the strange smells and noises emanating from just a few feet away.
Whatever the reasons… I hate these people.
Why can’t they just do what the rest of us do? You walk into the bathroom and you go to the far stall up against the wall. That way if someone else needs to go they can always take the stall next to the urinals. Sure that stall sucks. There is always the danger that a rogue urinal user could piss on your shoe. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen.
You aren’t paying attention; your shoe is sticking out just a bit father than it should and then wham. Your shoe gets pissed on. What are you going to do about it? Pinch off that loaf and give chase? I don’t think so.
All these problems are caused by the dreaded center stallers.
Do what I do, talk to your friends and your children about this problem. It is only through education that we can eradicate the center staller.
However, in the meantime, another great tool is guilt and/or shame. If you know someone who is a center staller then call them out on it. I find that bringing it up while in mixed company is effective. Calling them out in a crowded bathroom also works.
Fight the good fight.
The Sherpa will back you up.